Thoughts on a Wednesday evening

Thoughts on a Wednesday evening

Rarely do I make a post as informal/colloquial as this, but tonight’s an exception. Call it gushing. Call it whatever you want. I’m kind of confused myself so whatever.

Honestly I thought with Visanne I would have 0 libido. After all, it’s a hormone suppressor. And for a month or so I completely stopped having crushes, stopped feeling a gush of excitement and exhilaration every time I talk to/see someone hot.

So I’m really confused now. I was kind of happy that my meds would suppress my hormones as I find my fleeting feelings for other people a great distraction. Like, there’s so much to do and so little time; I definitely do not have the time to be infatuated with another person.

Then, I saw him. I used to scoff at the idea of “love at first sight”; it’s not wrong to do that, but LUST at first sight is very much real. I suppose it’s because I knew getting a relationship before finishing IBs was not allowed so I never viewed guys around me with the intention of picking out a mate (with an exception of 1-2 guys, but I’ve completely moved on); now that I am free to do whatever I want, I’ve been noticing the physical aspect of REAL PEOPLE a lot more lately. Like the general vibe, the smile, all that. And this has led to the whole discovery of physical attraction (which I am starting to understand). Anyway, back to my point, I saw this guy on Instagram who currently studies at UCL, and now I am really attracted. I think he’s 1 year older than me (starting his undergrad year 3 next year). He’s not even THAT good-looking, objectively speaking, but it’s something about his slightly tanned Hawaiian looks that really gets me. That slightly cheeky grin. The fact that he plays a racquet sport (not going to reveal which lest he chances upon this post which is pretty much impossible but still there’s a risk), comes from Eton (boy, I would love to date an Etonian/Harrovian/Westminister kid. Not an elitist, it’s just that it would be nice to date someone brought up as a gentleman), and is half (what I presume is) Chinese (which means he won’t think that my asian heritage would dilute his bloodline). Yet, I know nothing about him. Like, literally nothing. I’m trying to tap my UCL contacts to see if anyone knows him. I desperately need his horoscope. I will definitely update this post once I find out. (Geez, did I just dedicate a post to a random guy I find physically attractive) UPDATE: We are not horoscopally compatible romantically. Using my superior deduction skills (and research skills), he must be either a Virgo/Libra, both of which are not natural romantic matches. Which means given my mediocre looks, he is unlikely to be attracted to my personality.

Sadly, with crushes comes the whole inferiority complex thing which I’m not going to delve into because 1) I’ve already done so in a previous post and 2) It’s just a feeling like nags me; delving into it will force me to inspect my insecurities even more closely which makes me feel worse about myself. Keep this post lighthearted, yeah?

I’m also a bit disappointed to not have started learning tennis earlier (always wanted to learn it but parents felt it would make me bulk up) as now I feel too insecure to join the tennis club (hint hint hint) and to make friends with tennis players and join their socials and stuff. It’s tough man; sometimes I feel it’s much easier to join the chocolate/environmental/harry potter/women in finance society but joining a sport is important. And I really love WATCHING sports so I think only in a sports club will I find people with the same passion for sports as I have (i.e real madrid fans)

I’m gonna stop here tonight. Friends reading this, I’m really sorry but if I’m still infatuated with him the next time we meet, you might get a phone shoved under your face.



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