of my soul
Broken into pieces
Threatening to break.
under my bed
I want to say “I won’t break”.
A pat on the shoulder and everything’s alright
But it’s not true
I’m tired of holding myself together.
I’m tired of seeing how happy other people are.
Tired of being let down.
My thoughts are in a mess
Forget “equilibrium”, how precarious it is.
Easily tipped, like a glass of water
I’m tired of stress
Tired of tears.
Tired of anger.
Tired of being affected by the little things.
F*** life, sometimes I don’t want to live anymore.
It’s a thought that just washes over you, a sudden motivation, drive, to not exist.
A thought that comes too easily, too frequently, too enticingly.
But it’s a thought that doesn’t hold water, thank God for rationality that tells me what I’m thinking is completely nonsensical.
I’m putting this picture here, to remind myself if these thoughts drop by again.
I can’t just give up because someone made me upset. Even if they make me feel useless, make me feel used, make me feel like there’s always a dark cloud hanging by.
So f****** tired of everything. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Deleting all social media except for WeChat as it’s a communication tool for me. I need time away from it all.