My life is finally in equilibrium.
I feel settled. Calm. I no longer worry about things I cannot control, like boyfriends and just people around me in general.
I feel refreshed. Hopeful. I see the world with brighter eyes. I no longer fear the emptiness of time and of life itself. I see it filled with interesting activities—learning italian, french, russian, spanish, chemistry, history, chilling with friends—that make me more excited about life.
I am no longer bothered by non-response. I’ve reached a stage where I no longer care. It’s a good thing. I carry on with what I do in my life, regardless of people around me. And I try not to think too much about things. These are after all, things I cannot control.
As I scroll through facebook, I see pictures of couples, and those yearning to be part of one posting articles about love. Luurrr-ve. I no longer care. I used to be so scared of being unable to find a mate. Now that I have more things to do, I find it easier to focus on myself and not on my potential relationships with others. It’s alright if I don’t have someone, my time can be spent meaningfully too. I don’t get heartache when I see celebrities like Paulo Dybala. I appreciate their beauty and leave it at that. After all, we can only marry 1 person. A profession in law is as noble and interesting as one in medicine and one in football. Being a footballer is a profession. Becoming a wag is just marrying someone who works in football and it will just be like marrying a lawyer or a doctor or a teacher or a HR manager. Maybe a footballer will have a better body but then they are not the only people who work out in the world. It’s important to learn to separate a person from his/her profession. All this time, I was in love with the profession, and not the person.
I’m also taking it slow because I know deep down in my heart, I haven’t met anyone whom I really want. It’s difficult. Maybe it will be easier when I go to UCL. The thing is, I love a lot of things like classical music and european languages and literature and history. And I need someone who makes my interests seem meaningful. Language learners, have you ever thought: after learning so many languages, wouldn’t ending up with a completely “regular” person with little interest outside of work…seem kind of empty/meaningless? It’s ok to wait. Being settled in life means to accept that patience in finding someone is important and not equating a mate with meaning.
It’s great to be finally in equilibrium.
(Changing my theme into a lighter one and my font into a softer one because life seems brighter and lighter now)