I already knew it was stupid to like someone who was more desirable than I am. I knew. I should have listened to my rationality. It’s so stupid that I didn’t listen. God. That’s the whole point of rationality. It protects you. It tells you what the best course of action is. I should have used my rationality to my advantage.
I should have listened to my father when he told me the only kind of men who would like me back are older ones. Their priorities match mine. They have the type of politeness that I value/find important. Their topics of interest match mine. They are past the age of “discovery” and it’s a phase of my life that I plan to skip anyway. To hell with drinking/partying/experimenting. Being wild. Never was that kind of person, neither was I ever interested in becoming one. I need someone who is already past that. I need someone who is steady, courageous, can do stuff. Someone Jared Kushner-esque.
I should have listened to those people who told me it is futile. But boy am I stubborn, turning the clock back won’t change anything anyhow.
I knew it all along that it was a bad choice. How I wish to yell at myself: I knew, I knew, I knew!