Thoughts before the final paper

Thoughts before the final paper

(It’s really quite funny. I see my friends’ blog posts and they are all about something meaningful and cool but my blog is always littered with musings about love/heartache etc. LOL. Speaks a lot about me and what I think about all day 😦 Sigh, I’m a hopeless romantic, too eager to love, but too young for love. )

I thought I would forget about you.

Time and time I did.

I remember always nitpicking your flaws so I could find a way to really start disliking you. That has always been my way. If you like someone, try to turn it to dislike because the line between like and dislike is a fine one. I don’t crush on people around me. I crush on celebrities. I crush on people who are unattainable, who will never break my heart (I don’t think you will LOL I personally don’t really care about the whole heartbreak thing), a person who will never reject me.

But I always remember, because how can I forget when I’m nearing the age of 18 and freedom smells so near, when I see you almost every day, when my heart, and my resolve are so weak.

I’m an utter failure. A woman who cannot hold the reins of her heart with force, resolve and discipline can never control the reins of something else. (good quote, eh?

I was quite driven a few days ago because I read a post on TSR about how easy it is to “ruin your life over unrequited love”. That struck me in the face. But I feel this resolve cracking a little when I see you around, when I talk to you, when I look into your eyes while talking to you, those shining stars that reflect the depths of your intelligence and soul.





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