Just for laughs—Meet Barney, the Purple Pedophile

Just for laughs—Meet Barney, the Purple Pedophile

I don’t know if people know this, but the truth is, Barney is actually—

A Purple Pedophile

Yes, you read that right. Barney is a disgusting purple lau teeko*.

I have no idea where i first heard this assertion, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me. Have you ever found a grown man prancing in a purple suit creepy? Well, of course! We all have! How about that wide gaping mouth that always seems to be laughing? I mean, who on earth can be happy all the time?

Anyway, I did a google search and realised the notion of Barney being a pedophile is actually a widely known. Here is a screen grab from the google search:

Screen Shot 2016-09-17 at 2.18.41 pm.png

 

If you’ve already reflected on your past and are still not convinced that Barney’s a total creep, here are more reasons why:

  1. Barney is a grown man/dinosaur always playing with other people’s kids. (Like, hello, isn’t this enough to ring alarm bells?)
  2. Barney hugs and touches the kids all the time. (Ah, now Barney’s getting physical)
  3. Barney says “I love you” way too much. (Seriously. You don’t just go around loving someone else’s kid)
  4. Barney goes “we are happy family”to kids. (Sounds wrong to me. So if Barney’s the father, then who is Barney’s wife/husband?)
  5. Barney gives too much physical affection to the kids on his show. Quote, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, unquote. (Oh yes, did I mention Europeans often kiss kids on the lips?)

I remember watching Barney when I was little, and being bored by it all. In every episode, Barney would come alive from a plush toy and become the big purple dinosaurpedophile. I think there’s a deeper meaning to all of this. I think what the producers are illustrating is that danger can come from anywhere, even from something/someone as helpless and docile as a soft toy. And that “danger”/pedophiles are very skilled in getting kids’ affection and trust. So parents, keep your kids close, and Barney further.

Above: Barney, “get in my van”. Barney the kidnapper is so good at what he does that he can kidnap kids without upsetting them (and thus see the smiles on their faces).

 

*Singapore Slang for Pedophile

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