I Wonder

I Wonder

I Wonder

I wonder what you meant
When you called me a friend
Was it something special to you ?
Or simply
A term thrown around carelessly
For anyone
And everyone?

I wonder how real they were
Our dreams to take on the world
Were they threaded by belief?
Or a chimera
Never to be felt.
Never to be realised.

I wonder if you knew
How much it hurts me so
To find everything a lie
Secrets we shared
Words we said
Promises we’ve made
To find everything we have
Slipping through our fingers
Till it’s too little
And too late.

I wonder if you could see
How much you have changed.
Gone the chaste innocence
And the principles we swear to live by.
Replaced
By a milquetoast
Servile to her hearts desires
And to societal standards
I know I am foolish,
To think nothing will ever change
Because I did not.
But is it wrong to hold a little faith?

I wonder if you have noticed
I am not here anymore
Neither is my heart
And my mind.
Gone the days we can share everything
Now a few words
Are things we cannot even share
Much less secrets
And time.

I wonder if it was me
To have cut the threads in our ties.
Was I too apathetic?
Or simply unattractive enough
to warrant a friendship in return?
After the laughter we’ve shared
Perhaps that is why you never bothered
Because I have never struck you
As someone who can feel.
And someone who does not want to be
Cocooned in her life
Forever.

I wonder if you have learnt
How much you have meant to me.
Through times of fun
And sadness
All these, we have shared.
Maybe not.

I wonder if you will see this,
Though I do not think you will.
I’d rather you did.
All I can give you now
Is not a hand of friendship
Or a nod of understanding
But a piece of my mind.
A defeated sigh, you will hear
And with the words-

I. Give. Up.

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