C. Joybell C. has once said, “There is a magnificent, beautiful, wonderful painting in front of you! It is intricate, detailed, a painstaking labor of devotion and love! The colors are like no other, they swim and leap, they trickle and embellish! And yet you choose to fixate your eyes on the small fly which has landed on it! Why do you do such a thing?”
This quote, reminds me of one of the one poisonous things in life- Negativity. Negativity is well-known to consume people, to devour every ounce of hope, happiness and optimism in some people, turning them into bitter, unhappy people who just cannot see the good in everything. And I, for one, am just like that. I am exactly what the quote describes- the sort of people who find the smallest things possible from the good things to be unhappy about, the kind of people who are never happy and contented with anything.
What started me thinking was actually a few posts on Instagram. The choir had participated in a combined concert (with other performing arts groups) last night. They were beautiful pictures of them after last night’s concert, echoing their joy this concert had brought them, the wonderful insights gained from the concert, and congratulating my fellow choir-mates on the good job that they have done. Now, this puzzled me. Just last night, I have grieved over the fact that we did not perform up to our highest standards. We were too loud when we started off, we oversang, and we did not consider the dynamics for some parts. I was rather upset by our performance as I felt that we could have done better, could have sang softer and rounder and be more resonant,could have decrescendo-ed a little more at the very last part. And I was scared that we had disappointed our conductors, after so much hard work they have put in, after having so much faith in us.
Seeing those happy faces after the performance, it got me thinking. Was I possibly just a bit too negative? The concert itself was fairly ok- not our best- but was I being just a little too picky about the particular things that we did not do right? It seems that by focusing on some things that we did wrong, I have completely neglected the overall performance of the Choir. I have turned this from a fairly decent reason for celebration, into a mourning and reflection time of how we could have done better, how I didn’t do enough to help my buddy (who, to me, did not perform up to her usual standard). And this negativity is eating me inside, just making me jaded, instead of feeling rejuvenated and motivated to do even better for the next concert- the Dunman High one, and even, to think of more ways to help my buddy so she will not be as easily influenced by the sopranos. The power of negativity, I guess. To turn the most cheerful puppy into a sour puss.
I do wonder what makes a person negative in the first place. How do we start seeing glasses as half full, or half empty. Perhaps, genetics is involved. Why do we let it eat us until we have nothing? It seems all so natural, to find fault in many things around us. But with that, often comes a sour feeling of emptiness and discontent, and turns us aginst the very things we love.
I hope one day I’ll learn to be happy. Less critical, but accepting…